I am overflowing with joy and gratitude to be writing this brith story because it has been the healing I longed for and the story I only dreamed of having. This is our redemptive birth story. 

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Sunday evening, May 31st, I was up most of the night having on-again, off-again light contractions. As the morning of June first came, things started to taper off and I began to wonder when labor would actually start. I went to my scheduled acupuncture appointment at 10 am that morning and was able to take a nice nap that afternoon. Around 4 pm I started preparing dinner, enchilada casserole, for the family. I began to get light sensations again, so I decided to pay more attention to them and see if a pattern arose. They were about 4-6 minutes apart lasting around 30-40 seconds. I was still able to talk, and eat through them. It was time to get Jett ready for bed, so I soaked up the chance to tuck him in, as my maternal instinct knew it would be the last time I’d say goodnight and snuggle before he became an official big brother! 

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I decided to watch a movie with my mom and Jocelyn to help distract my mind and see what labor decided to do. Mason headed to bed early as he knew something was on the horizon. My midwives had mentioned to me that my labor could be sporadic, since baby was in the posterior birthing position. I kept this in mind while patiently awaiting signs of a more steady labor to speed up. I headed to bed around 9:30pm and as I started to relax, waves seemed to be picking up a bit, both in intensity and length. I started to take deeps slow breaths and focus on my breathing as they came and went. I started timing them, and soon realized a pattern appearing. Around 11pm I got up to ask Jocelyn’s opinion. Contractions were 2-3 minutes apart lasting from 30-60 seconds. I went ahead and informed my midwives. Jocelyn and I began to set up my birth affirmations, and light some candles. We turned on some worship music and I began to labor calmly and peacefully between the birthing ball and standing over the kitchen island. Funny how little moments humble you. I wanted a day birth (not a night owl here) but Knox had other plans to keep me up all night...

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Around 2 am the midwives showed up as it seemed labor was progressing more actively. Knowing baby was still posterior, Amanda had me start the miles circuit to try and kick things into higher gear. It’s a serious of positions for me to labor in at 30 minute increments to help baby turn. It helped baby moved some and waves started to pick up. I then decided to do the moves again in rotation but not on a time scale, but rather listening to which my body responded to best. After, I ended up relaxing and resting some as my body needed a break to gain some more energy. Some time went by and the midwives suggested to have some snuggle time with just Mason and I to try to speed things back up by releasing some oxytocin (an old midwifery trick). Shortly after we began relaxing together, Jett woke up with the sunrise (per usual) and came in to say good morning. Little did I know seeing my first born was exactly what I needed in that moment. High levels of oxytocin released and a wave of emotions overran my body. I cried joyful tears of thankfulness. Thankful for my amazing husband, and my sweet Jett. Thankful I was birthing at home and my prayers were being answered. My body needed this. My baby needed this. Together, we moved forward into very active labor. 

I asked to have the tub filled (where I planned to give birth) and made my way to the bathroom before getting in. I got in the tub at 6:18am. “Ahhh, this is the stuff” I remember saying, it was an amazing feeling of relaxation, warmth, and comfort. Just what I needed before what was to come. About an hour later (it felt like 20 minutes to me, which explains I was enjoying it too much) I was encouraged to labor outside the tub on my hands and knees again, as that is when my labor picked up the most frequency. I agreed as I was ready to meet my baby, and anything that brought me closer to that moment was what I needed to do. I got back on the bed in hands and knees position, leaning down on my pillows and the waves came back stronger and more frequently than before. My midwives fully trusted me and my body, never once needing or wanting to check progress, there was no need. This was transition (although in the thick of it I didn’t register that yet, all I knew is that I wanted it to end).

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Transition. This was a new stage of labor l’ve  never experienced before. With Jett I had an epidural before getting to this stage (but that’s another story). And boy did it rock me, literally, to my raw core. It was the most intense, powerful, overwhelming experience of my life. My whole being was not in my control, I had to let go and release. I struggled with my thoughts through it all, there were moments of I can’t do this, make it stop! But, there were more moments of pure surrender, a voice deep inside that found it’s way out of me I couldn’t hold back. I bellowed, I yelled, and made all sorts of noise. I took comfort in those around me, encouraging me to let go and breathe. I had moments that I questioned my body,  and my ability, but they too passed. I dug deep, and was soon overcome with joy as I realized it was truly happening, I was going to give birth at home. (quick backstory, I had a planned home birth with Jett, but ended up being transferred to the hospital for a non-emergent reason) Thank you, Jesus. 

Suddenly I just wanted to be done! I told the midwives I had to “poop”, and as soon as I uttered the word, I knew. It’s time to push, your baby is coming! I got off the side of the bed and didn’t make it a step further. Another humbling moment. I leaned into my midwife Christina for comfort. I held the sheets of the bed then Mason’s hands so tight to hold me up and release tension as I squatted to the floor. At 7:55 am I began pushing with each wave that led me to squat to the floor. “I can do this” I said. I gained all the confidence I needed and right there, in that moment, I released any negative thoughts and let my body take over completely. The sensations began to grow and I could feel your head begin to make way, stretching through my cervix a little more through each push.  Here it came the “ring of fire” everyone talked about. Yes it did feel a bit stingy, but mostly just intense stretching. It was more releasing than anything, more enjoyable than transition. I felt you more with each push and after only 13 minutes of pushing, your head submerged from my body. What a release! I stood up to give you more room and leaned over on the bed waiting for my next wave to push you into my arms. The sensation of only your head out of my body lasted longer then I anticipated, and it was a feeling I’ll never forget. Listening to my body, and just over a minute and a half later the wave to push you out came and you were officially born at 8:08am. Christina caught you and handed you between my legs and into my arms. You cried for a few seconds, your color was perfect, and then I laid you on my chest and looked at you for the first time. All was right in the world. That moment of pure heaven on earth was worth it all, a million times over. I looked over at big brother and reassured him by commenting on how slippery you were, as that’s how he described all the babies we watched in home birth videos for preparation. A slippery, beautiful baby boy! You were born into a peaceful room full of love from family and friends. What a gift! We love you beyond words Knox Tyler and we will shower you with it everyday! My water birth didn’t end in water yet again but I am fully happy nonetheless, you choose land, because after all your name means “from the hills”. ~Alyssa